Navigating the Silence

As I've mentioned before, silence is something I'm unsure about. Instead of continuing to fear the silence, I decided to embrace it - as best I could. It can be challenging to even find a place that is quiet enough to gather your thoughts. As I'm typing this, car horns are blaring, semi trucks are rumbling by, the water fountain is growling in the hallway...You get the point. We live in a world that runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year without stopping. Something is constantly making noise - be it leaves rustling in a gentle breeze or the sound of giant construction vehicles rumbling about at all hours of the day and night (trust me, some nights they never stop). There is always noise, and the noise can be deafening. It seems there is no place for silence.

Silence, as a spiritual practice, is as much about what you are tuning into as it is about tuning out. Setting out on my journey of silence, I realized that really there was no place in my immediate world that I would find absolute silence. I work and live near a busy city intersection where a massive construction project is underway. Absolute silence is just not going to happen. Instead of stepping out of the sounds of my environment, I thought about what "noise" I was adding to my life. From social media to news radio, blogs to music, text messages to just the thoughts in my own head - my life was full of noise that I was adding to it.
The first step to experiencing silence for me was to take a step away from all of the noise I was filling my mind with. This past week, I spent a lot of time in silence. I spent hours of time in silence. I turned off the news radio, resisted the urge to turn on some music, and sat in silence. I set down the phone, turned off the computer, and stopped incessantly feeding the need to check social media.

At first, the silence felt ominous. It felt lonely and somewhat boring. It didn't take long for me to realize that silence for sake of silence is not the point of the practice. It's something more. It's tuning out the distractions that I was feeding my mind, and tuning into the Word of the Lord. Once I understood that, the silence didn't seem so lonely. I didn't feel out of place or lost. As I focused on Scripture, I began to realize that the sounds of my environment were no longer distractions when I put my focus in the right places. I became more productive. I stopped feeling like I was constantly being bombarded with noise. I could breathe. I didn't feel overwhelmed. I felt peace - even when I was busy.

Do I still listen to music or the radio? Yes. Do I still look at my phone a little more than I should? Probably. There's nothing inherently wrong with being plugged in and being connected, but there's nothing wrong with stepping back, taking a deep breath, turning off the noise, and tuning into the One who created you.

More of God

Lately, I find myself wallowing in my boredom. I have asked 'Why must things be so quiet?' or 'Why must things be so boring?, ' more times than I care to admit. Perhaps, if I'm honest with myself, I have not used the quiet moments as well as I should have. Instead, I've tried filling the moments with noise - with worthless things. If I'm being honest...

I have often joked that I am generally operating at one of two speeds: hectic and asleep. It's quite sad, if you really think about it. That this is the new normal. At that pace, you miss so much. The little moments - the quiet whispers - the small blessings get caught up in the noise of life. Where is God in the moments? How many times have I passed him by, doing noble things, doing meaningless things? How many times have I pushed him away by not looking for him in the quiet? How many times?

The thing about going from the extreme of completely busy to asleep is that there isn't time for the quiet. Am I afraid of the quiet? If I'm being honest, then I would probably have to answer yes. There's this thing about silence. I don't know really know what to do with it. It's a blank canvas, and I feel a little lost. Which direction do I go? Where do I begin? What if I don't hear God in the silence? What if I do?

The Whole Heart sermon series taking place at our church has really gotten me thinking - thinking about what the spiritual disciplines really mean, and what it means to experience more of God in the everyday moments - my everyday moments. Instead of filling the silence with more noise, I'll draw nearer to him. Instead of being double-minded in the quiet, thinking of how bored I feel or what I'm not doing, I'll use the quiet to just be still. I'll stop seeking my worth in all the things I do, and tune the beat of my heart into the Lord.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8

A Little Perspecitve

This past week, I had the pleasure to work with our friends at Freedom In Worship Church in Fort Worth. Freedom In Worship isn't your typical church...and they like it that way. Frankly, I do too. If I had to imagine what the early Christian church was like, I would imagine Freedom In Worship would be a modern day example. You can read more about their church in this post. They exemplify the true meaning of being the hands and feet of Christ, and they are a testament to the fact that the body of Christ is made up of many parts. Whether you rolled up in a luxury car, or rolled in a shopping cart filled with all your worldly possessions, you are loved and there is a place for you. The evening I had the pleasure of serving with Freedom In Worship, Pastor Liz shared that in her teaching. No matter who you are, God created you for a purpose.

As I stood outside, listening to the message, watching the people, it got me thinking about church. Here I was, standing outside in near one hundred degree heat, surrounded by homeless shelters, and I felt so much joy there. I saw people who were happy to be there to serve, and people who were thankful to have a meal and just have a place to be important for a few hours. It got me thinking: when did church become something we go to instead of something we are? Because clearly, I see Freedom In Worship being the church - the body of Christ - instead of just showing up at church. They seem to have their whole heart in it.

Now I'll admit, I've done my fair share of showing up to church instead of being the church. I pulled into the parking lot, walked through the doors, sat in the pew, and went through the motions. The thing about churches is that they sometimes help us camouflage ourselves with people who are like us, kind of like being lost among the found. We're taking it all in, but what are we giving away?

When we're viewing life from a different perspective, stepping into the shoes of another, something begins to happen.When we step out to serve others, we see the Creator in a new light, we broaden our place in the community, and our hearts are transformed.

Thank you to the Freedom In Worship community for allowing me the opportunity to come out and serve. I'm looking forward to coming out again soon.

"They praised God and demonstrated God’s goodness to everyone. The Lord added daily to the community those who were being saved." - Acts 2:47

Giving God the Pieces of My Whole Heart

Have you ever had one of those moments that inspires you to do something out of the norm? If you know me, you're probably thinking, 'you always do stuff out of the norm'. While there is some truth to that, sometimes 'out of the norm' becomes your normal, and you find that you need to get back to the basics - the foundations of your faith, if you will.

This past week, my church's Associate Pastor began a series of teachings about reconnecting with God through the spiritual disciplines. Okay, discipline sounds a little harsh and regimented, and to be perfectly honest, discipline is not my middle name. The teaching has struck a chord with me, though, and I'm definitely looking forward to what the next few weeks hold. The series is called, Whole Heart. By giving our whole hearts to God, what can he do in us and through us?

For each person on the journey, it means something different. That is what strikes me about the fullness and awesomeness of our Creator. He has created us each for something different - a purpose beyond anything we could possibly imagine. Does he deserve anything less than our whole hearts?

During this week's Whole Heart workshop, participants were encouraged to explore different spiritual practices - bringing our hearts as a daily sacrifice to the Lord. That inspired me to think outside of my "God Box" - to think of those things I always wanted to do, but had never stepped out firmly on the path to explore. And that encouraged me to blow the virtual dust off this blog and start writing again - recording this journey of offering the pieces of my heart to God so that he may make it whole as only he can do.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10

In Loving Memory...

A few weeks back our church observed All Saints Day. Traditionally, All Saints Day is a day when the church takes time to acknowledge the saints who have come before them in the faith. Having grown up in the Southern Baptist church where All Saints Day was not observed, I find it is one of the traditions of the church that I enjoy. Most liturgical traditions I could take or leave, but All Saints Day is one tradition that I look forward to each year. It's a day that I find that I can reflect and take a moment to thank the Lord for those who have guided and influenced me along my journey of faith.

The day also gives me the opportunity to acknowledge a loss in my life that is always with me, the miscarriage of a child. It is a day to remember the feelings of joy at knowing I was carrying this new life within me, and to acknowledge the sadness of a heartbeat not heard. This was a moment in my life that shaped me as a mother-to-be, as a wife, and as a follower of Christ. I find comfort in remembering this moment and peace in knowing the Lord was there, leading me all the way.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." - Matthew 5:4

What's the Purpose of This Journey That I'm On?

What is the purpose of this journey that I am on?

To live each day to the fullest until it is gone. 

- From poetry of my youth 1997 - MG

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13

Purpose. As humans, we give a lot of thought to purpose. Why are we here? What am I meant to be? We fill our hearts with hopes and dreams that sometimes becomes one of the guiding factors of our lives as we navigate our journey, or sadly, they can become the stumbling blocks of regret. It’s easy to think that life will be just as we want it to be if we achieve this particular goal or make this certain dream come true. When we live that way, we’re living for the destination instead of being mindful of the journey. If we don’t reach the destination or it isn’t quite as we had hoped, we are left with discouragement and regret.

The thing about thinking so much about our purpose is that we can completely miss God’s blessings and plans for us. When we focus on MY purpose and MY plans, we are leaving God out of the equation. Instead of asking why we are here, as followers of Christ we should be asking, “What does God have me here to do?”, or “How can God use me?” Trust, belief, and seeking His will for our lives are keys to living a true life of purpose. Keep your heart on the cross, but keep your eyes on the road of the journey you are on. Sometimes our purpose is moment to moment – a smile to someone who is hurting, a word of hope to someone in despair - and it’s in those moments that we draw closer to God and others see Him in us.  

Write the words in Jeremiah on your heart. Seek the Lord and trust that He has a purpose for you. 

-Written for Lighting the Way, a devotional segment of IllumiNATION Radio

Nurturing Faith

Day Twenty-Eight -

Have you ever seen a mustard seed? Today I was planting mustard seeds in the garden, and I was amazed at how tiny they are. I couldn't help but wonder, if faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain, what has my faith been doing? Is my faith moving mountains? Is it doing anything to further the kingdom of God? Do I really believe that faith - my faith - can do this?

On some level, I understand how the disciples were feeling in Matthew 17. They were confused. They came to Jesus and quietly asked him why they had not been able to drive the demon out of the boy. Knowing and believing are two different things. Knowing they were in the presence of the Messiah - God's son - and believing it were obviously not quite clicking. Believing that they, as Christ's disciples, had authority to drive out the demon in this boy in the name of Jesus was a thought that was likely still beyond their faith.

My faith may not be moving physical mountains...yet...but it is doing something. It is growing and changing every moment. It is knowing and believing that God has a plan, and that somehow he has made me a part of this plan. Like any seed that has been planted, it has to be nurtured so it can grow into something useful and beautiful.

For me, faith is believing that "unreasonable" things are possible, and knowing that I serve a God who is faithful to his word and can make the ordinary extraordinary.

"He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:20

Blessings!